You are so funny and so talkative. You can copy so many of my sounds already. You are almost crawling which, to be honest, is rather terrifying while also making me one proud mama. You just turned five months old and you are so impatient to be MOVING already.
You love hanging out on the couch with your dad and watching cartoons that I totally told dad that you cannot watch. Yeah. That's so working out for me so far. Adventure Time seems to be a favorite.
You giggle so easily and the smile you have for me whenever you see me makes my heart ache with love. You fill my arms and my life and I cannot imagine what I ever did without you.
Someday I will tell you about the man who raised me. Someday I will try to explain this man who was so important to me but that you will never meet. He died, you see, when I was six months pregnant with you.
He was a WWII veteran and served in the pacific fleet on DE249 the USS Marchand. When you are old enough to understand, I will show you the flag from his burial.
He died of surgical complications on 12-12-12. Well, that is not completely true. He went comatose due to surgical complications and his systems started to shut down. There was no hope left according to his many many doctors. He died of morphine overdose given by a nurse with permission from his doctor so that he would not suffer at the end. I watched it happen and I admit, I was grateful that his end would be quick and painless. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for the gratitute or for giving permission.
He would have loved you so much, my son. He would have adored your every giggle. He would have loved whoever you are turning into and respected the man you will someday become.
My parents, my grandparents.. they are all gone now. I do know they would be proud of you. I promise... they would. Just like I am.. every single day.